Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34
Bob Nideffer That fact struck me because I had been reading Philip Yancey's book, "What's So Amazing About Grace." In his book Yancey was making the point that grace is almost impossible for many of us to accept because it doesn't seem just, or fair. Would a just God offer unconditional love and grace to an unrepentant Hitler? How could that be?
One of the questions Yancey suggests we ask ourselves is: "When, or where do you find it difficult to forgive?" In the discussion around my table, most of the people identified particular sins that they struggled to forgive. For some it was murder, for others sexual abuse, or sins against children. In reflecting on my own life I came to the conclusion that it was not the specific sin that I struggled with, but instead an unrepentant heart. I could, and have, been able to let go of hurt and anger and pain caused by some very egregious sins, but I struggle to forgive when an individual's pride prevents them from recognizing, accepting, and asking for forgiveness for their sin(s).
As I thought about Jesus and His interactions with sinners I could see the odd occasion where he told them to "go and sin no more." For the most part, however, Jesus simply said something like, "Go, your faith has saved you." There was no confession of sin, simply a request for healing.
Over the past few weeks, even months, I have been struggling to forgive what I perceive to be the sins of some of the leadership of the church. In my own prideful, self-righteous way, I have decided that their pride is interfering with their ability to live out their faith, and to practice what they preach. My disappointment has caused me to respond to them in one of two ways: First, especially when I see their behavior hurting others, I have responded by directly confronting them, and the consequences of their actions. Sadly, this has not worked both because my confrontation and at times anger has made them defensive, and because their pride has prevented them from listening and seriously considering what I have to say. My second response has been to withdraw from them, to cut them off, to try and behave as if they don't exist, as if they aren't important or don't matter, when in fact they really do matter.
What was it God expected of me? How should I behave? Yancey would say I should forgive, and like Jesus pray for their forgiveness, and trust that God is a just God and will deal with the issue appropriately. My instinctive reaction to that was "That doesn't make sense to me." Jesus didn't pray for justice, he prayed for forgiveness. If I wanted justice I would pray for justice, not for forgiveness. Where was the justice if God would forgive the unrepentant? It was then that my eyes were directed toward Psalm 103, a Psalm that was written by King David, a murderer and adulterer who the Bible described as "A man after God's own heart."
"The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:8-12
As I looked as Psalm 103, the line "so great is his love for those who fear him;" stood out for me. I have always struggled with the use of the word fear in the Old Testament with reference to God. I have struggled because fear to me was a way of forcing obedience, but not a way of getting someone to love you. Somehow, within the context of grace, and the conflict that I was dealing with David's words took on a new meaning for me.
In the Psalm David expresses the fact that God's love and forgiveness is there for those who "fear him." What did David mean? Was he afraid that God would destroy him? I don't think so, that wasn't what he was saying. David knew that God would not destroy him. I believe that the fear David is talking about is the fear we have of letting down someone we love. The fear David was talking about is the fear that exists in a repentant heart.
It is when I am aware of the fact that I have sinned and in the process, disappointed myself, others, and most importantly God, that I am brought into repentance. It is when I admit my sin, and recognize my unworthiness that I open myself to the unconditional love that God has for me.
Genuine repentance on my part is a response to the recognition that out of my pride and insensitive behavior I have hurt and disappointed those I love, and those who love me. Repentance is an expression of my love for those I have wronged. King David's pride caused him to commit murder and adultery. When confronted by Nathan, David was forced to realize that in sinning as he had, he had betrayed his love for God. It was David's great love for God that broke down his pride and led to repentance. Without repentance on David's part there would be no relationship with God, because there would be no recognition of the need for God's grace. But God does not have to demand repentance, he can love us whether we are repentant or not and still have justice served. Let me use the parable of the Prodigal Son to try and clarify this point.
When Jesus said, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do," he was asking for grace without our having repented. In the parable of the prodigal son, the father (God), places no conditions on his love. There is no demand on the part of the father for his younger son to ask for forgiveness, yet the son does, why?
The answer to that question is: Because without genuine repentance, without recognizing his sin and loving his father, he cannot feel the fullness of his father's love for him. Without knowing just how much his father has suffered and endured because of his sin, without knowing His father's pain, he has no concept of the depth of his father's love. As he discovers the depth of his father's love he also discovers the depth of his love and through that finds peace, fulfillment, and great joy. "It is in loving that we are loved." "We love because He first loved us."
The insight about the importance of repentance, not for God, but for me and for my relationships, including my relationship with God, is causing me to look at pride filled individuals differently. I am still challenged by, and still confront prideful, selfish, behavior that is hurting others, but the anger and inability to forgive those standing at the foot of the cross who are still unrepentant is dissipating because I realize that their pride is separating them from the joy that comes with the humble awareness and acceptance of God's unconditional, love, and grace. I hurt for them because of the separation from God that is created by their pride. Perhaps even more importantly, I realize that my anger in response to the pride I so easily see in others comes out of the pride I have in myself. It is that which gets me on my knees.