Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
Jesus told us to stop judging others, to look at the log in our own eye instead of at the splinter in someone else’s eye. The Apostle Paul in talking about the “thorn in his flesh,” seems to have become very sensitive to and very aware of the “log in his own eye.
I believe that God has given each of us a “thorn in the flesh,” to humble us and to help us recognize that we cannot make it alone, that we need His help to become the kind of people we want to be and He wants us to be. I believe that the thorn he has given us is directly tied to the gifts and talents that he wants us to use in His Spirit, out of our love for Him and for each other. I believe that the thorn in our flesh is the dark side of those gifts, the side we see when we use them “in the flesh,” to serve ourselves often at the expense of others.
There has been much speculation about the exact nature of the thorn in Paul’s flesh, but that’s all it is, speculation. I am less concerned about the specific nature of his thorn than I am about what his words seem to imply a thorn is. From Paul’s words I realize that my thorn is something that get’s me into trouble (it humbles me). It is something that I can’t control on my own no matter how hard I try. Finally it is something that God is not going to take away. The thorn is there for a reason, and it serves a purpose. It is there to keep me humble. More than that, it is a tool that God uses to continue the process by which I become transformed ever so slowly into the image of His Son. It is there to help me become a more caring, loving, forgiving, person.
Jesus told us to stop judging others, to look at the log in our own eye instead of at the splinter in someone else’s eye. The Apostle Paul in talking about the “thorn in his flesh,” seems to have become very sensitive to and very aware of the “log in his own eye.
I believe that God has given each of us a “thorn in the flesh,” to humble us and to help us recognize that we cannot make it alone, that we need His help to become the kind of people we want to be and He wants us to be. I believe that the thorn he has given us is directly tied to the gifts and talents that he wants us to use in His Spirit, out of our love for Him and for each other. I believe that the thorn in our flesh is the dark side of those gifts, the side we see when we use them “in the flesh,” to serve ourselves often at the expense of others.
There has been much speculation about the exact nature of the thorn in Paul’s flesh, but that’s all it is, speculation. I am less concerned about the specific nature of his thorn than I am about what his words seem to imply a thorn is. From Paul’s words I realize that my thorn is something that get’s me into trouble (it humbles me). It is something that I can’t control on my own no matter how hard I try. Finally it is something that God is not going to take away. The thorn is there for a reason, and it serves a purpose. It is there to keep me humble. More than that, it is a tool that God uses to continue the process by which I become transformed ever so slowly into the image of His Son. It is there to help me become a more caring, loving, forgiving, person.
My Gifts
Each of us have gifts and talents that can be a great blessing to others when we use them to server others out of the love that we have for them. My most obvious gifts are my analytical skills combined with my willingness to confront issues, to “call a spade a spade,” and not get caught up in the playing of political games. My analytical skills allow me to look at problems and issues from all sides. They allow me to discern underlying issues, to get at the root cause of problems. They help me see things through different lens, they help me empathize with the feelings and pain of others and they help me bridge communication gaps by allowing me to say things in a language that the other person can understand and relate to.
In my life I have had great success as a counselor, teacher, and consultant especially when it comes to helping individuals resolve communication problems between themselves and others, or with looking at the log in their own eye. That success, however, has been directly tied not just to my gifts, but also to the extent to which I have been able to exercise those gifts in a way that comes across to the other person as loving, caring, and nonjudgmental. When I have allowed God’s Spirit to guide me I have been successful and had little doubt about the path that I was on, and/or whether or not what I was doing was what God wanted me to do.
The Thorn In My Flesh
“But Jesus said to them, ‘A prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.’ And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.” Matthew 13:57-58
There isn’t anyplace in the world where I have a greater desire to serve and to be blessing than in my own home, with my family and with those that I love. But the truth is that is where my gifts and talents are often appreciated the least, and that’s because it’s at home where my gifts and talents have too often been used in self-serving ways. My wife and my children know the dark side of me in ways that others don’t. At times that fact casts enough doubt on what I have to offer and on the motives that underlie my offer to prevent them from trusting in and using what I have to offer.
It is through the use of my gifts out of God’s Spirit that I feel the peace and joy and comfort that come with knowing I am serving others and fulfilling the purpose that God has for my life. It is natural for me to turn to my gifts for reassurance, when I am feeling stressed or when I have doubts about my self-worth. No one has to tell me to use my gifts and I don’t have to remind myself. Instead, an emotional button is pushed and I respond instinctively, without any conscious thought or effort. It is then, that I begin to use my gifts to serve my own needs and it is then when they become a thorn in my side.
Think of all of the worst attributes of a teacher that you can imagine. The list probably includes things like, talks too much, talks down to me, comes across as arrogant, doesn’t listen to me, communication is one way, hides behind his expertise, thinks he’s better than everyone else, thinks he has all the answers, has to be right, is too critical and too quick to judge, he’s impatient and self-adsorbed, he thinks I’m stupid, he doesn’t respect me.
I am sure that there have been many times when I have behaved in ways that have caused the members of my family to feel all of those things. Times when I became focused on myself, caught up in my projects on the things that I was working on. Times when I had little patience for interruptions, and my emotions got the better of me. Times when I was stressed and worried and my mind raced ahead culling through all of the possibilities causing me to confront issues before they had actually become issues and before the members of my family were ready to have them confronted. Then too there were times when I lost confidence in myself. Times when my self-doubt around being respected and loved caused me to put pressure on my family to provide me with reassurance by accepting what I had to say and by letting me know how appreciative they were and how wonderful I was. Times when I would become defensive and respond in anger to their rejection of or lack of interest in, my advice and ideas. Times when I would pout or argue with them and hide behind my professional credibility and experience to somehow force them to love and appreciate me.
Over the years I have become very sensitive to the thorn in my flesh and like Paul I have begged God to take it from me. The desire to have that thorn removed comes out of the love that I have for my family, and out of the recognition of the fact that I have lost credibility in my own home. As Jesus said, “A” ___________ (you fill in the blank for me it’s counselor) “is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.”
When Trust In God Is The Only Answer
The chipping away at the trust or faith that we have in and for each other is a very slow and gradual process. Most of the conflicts and self-serving behaviors are relatively minor and for that reason we don’t pay much attention to them. Then a major family crisis comes along and suddenly it’s too little, too late.
There isn’t anything more painful to me than seeing someone I love hurting, believing I have a solution to their pain, yet finding myself in a position where no matter how hard I try I can’t help. I can’t help because that member of my family has seen the dark, selfish, side of my gifts and nature, and as a result has lost enough faith in my gifts and in my love that “I can’t perform a miracle.”
I have found myself in that kind of situation. A situation where no matter how hard I try to express my love and to provide reassurance it does just the opposite. For me it becomes a very painful pruning process because no matter how hard I try to let go and turn things over to God, I keep falling victim to my need to somehow be the savior. I want to be the savior both out of my love for the member of my family, and out of my need to be loved and appreciated and to have value. With every attempt to reach out in love with advice and counsel, no matter how gentle and loving the approach, I only make matters worse.
“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:21-25
As the Apostle Paul seems to be saying, I know what I need to do. I need to stop trying to be the parent, husband, counselor, and savior. Unfortunately, my sinful nature, my pride and my selfishness prevent me from doing it. Somehow, I need to humble myself and let go of the pride that I have in my ability to solve the world’s problems. I need to recognize that God isn’t going to work through me this time. I need to accept the fact that the only contribution I can make is to continue to have faith in God’s love and to continue to try and show the members of my family that I love them. This time I have to find a way to do that without relying on my gifts and talents to be the expressions of my love. Can I do it? Can I really do it? Can I let go of the Gifts that God has given me?
Learning To Love Unconditionally
The crisis situation that exists within my family is a test of, and a challenge to, me to gain more faith in God’s unconditional love. I don’t find anything in Paul’s quotes that suggests that I am somehow going to become perfect and never again say anything or act in anyway that would contribute to a member of my family doubting my love or questioning my motives. Nor are the members of my family going to become perfect and never give me a reason to doubt their love or to question their motives. Instead what I see is God telling me that he will forgive my mistakes and love me in spite of them. What I see is God telling me that he can use my weaknesses in positive ways if I will just put my faith in Him and in His unconditional love for me.
Some of the words, and the chorus from the song “What If I Stumble,” by the Christian group DC Talk expresses just how difficult it is for me to trust in God’s unconditional love for me.
Never change.
I know that the worst thing I can do in the face of a family crisis is allow my fear of stumbling and falling to cause me to withdraw in a way that would be interpreted by others as rejection or as a lack of caring. I know too that the strength to continue to try and express my love in as unconditional way as I possibly can will only come through increasing faith in God’s unconditional love for me.
Each of us have gifts and talents that can be a great blessing to others when we use them to server others out of the love that we have for them. My most obvious gifts are my analytical skills combined with my willingness to confront issues, to “call a spade a spade,” and not get caught up in the playing of political games. My analytical skills allow me to look at problems and issues from all sides. They allow me to discern underlying issues, to get at the root cause of problems. They help me see things through different lens, they help me empathize with the feelings and pain of others and they help me bridge communication gaps by allowing me to say things in a language that the other person can understand and relate to.
In my life I have had great success as a counselor, teacher, and consultant especially when it comes to helping individuals resolve communication problems between themselves and others, or with looking at the log in their own eye. That success, however, has been directly tied not just to my gifts, but also to the extent to which I have been able to exercise those gifts in a way that comes across to the other person as loving, caring, and nonjudgmental. When I have allowed God’s Spirit to guide me I have been successful and had little doubt about the path that I was on, and/or whether or not what I was doing was what God wanted me to do.
The Thorn In My Flesh
“But Jesus said to them, ‘A prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.’ And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.” Matthew 13:57-58
There isn’t anyplace in the world where I have a greater desire to serve and to be blessing than in my own home, with my family and with those that I love. But the truth is that is where my gifts and talents are often appreciated the least, and that’s because it’s at home where my gifts and talents have too often been used in self-serving ways. My wife and my children know the dark side of me in ways that others don’t. At times that fact casts enough doubt on what I have to offer and on the motives that underlie my offer to prevent them from trusting in and using what I have to offer.
It is through the use of my gifts out of God’s Spirit that I feel the peace and joy and comfort that come with knowing I am serving others and fulfilling the purpose that God has for my life. It is natural for me to turn to my gifts for reassurance, when I am feeling stressed or when I have doubts about my self-worth. No one has to tell me to use my gifts and I don’t have to remind myself. Instead, an emotional button is pushed and I respond instinctively, without any conscious thought or effort. It is then, that I begin to use my gifts to serve my own needs and it is then when they become a thorn in my side.
Think of all of the worst attributes of a teacher that you can imagine. The list probably includes things like, talks too much, talks down to me, comes across as arrogant, doesn’t listen to me, communication is one way, hides behind his expertise, thinks he’s better than everyone else, thinks he has all the answers, has to be right, is too critical and too quick to judge, he’s impatient and self-adsorbed, he thinks I’m stupid, he doesn’t respect me.
I am sure that there have been many times when I have behaved in ways that have caused the members of my family to feel all of those things. Times when I became focused on myself, caught up in my projects on the things that I was working on. Times when I had little patience for interruptions, and my emotions got the better of me. Times when I was stressed and worried and my mind raced ahead culling through all of the possibilities causing me to confront issues before they had actually become issues and before the members of my family were ready to have them confronted. Then too there were times when I lost confidence in myself. Times when my self-doubt around being respected and loved caused me to put pressure on my family to provide me with reassurance by accepting what I had to say and by letting me know how appreciative they were and how wonderful I was. Times when I would become defensive and respond in anger to their rejection of or lack of interest in, my advice and ideas. Times when I would pout or argue with them and hide behind my professional credibility and experience to somehow force them to love and appreciate me.
Over the years I have become very sensitive to the thorn in my flesh and like Paul I have begged God to take it from me. The desire to have that thorn removed comes out of the love that I have for my family, and out of the recognition of the fact that I have lost credibility in my own home. As Jesus said, “A” ___________ (you fill in the blank for me it’s counselor) “is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.”
When Trust In God Is The Only Answer
The chipping away at the trust or faith that we have in and for each other is a very slow and gradual process. Most of the conflicts and self-serving behaviors are relatively minor and for that reason we don’t pay much attention to them. Then a major family crisis comes along and suddenly it’s too little, too late.
There isn’t anything more painful to me than seeing someone I love hurting, believing I have a solution to their pain, yet finding myself in a position where no matter how hard I try I can’t help. I can’t help because that member of my family has seen the dark, selfish, side of my gifts and nature, and as a result has lost enough faith in my gifts and in my love that “I can’t perform a miracle.”
I have found myself in that kind of situation. A situation where no matter how hard I try to express my love and to provide reassurance it does just the opposite. For me it becomes a very painful pruning process because no matter how hard I try to let go and turn things over to God, I keep falling victim to my need to somehow be the savior. I want to be the savior both out of my love for the member of my family, and out of my need to be loved and appreciated and to have value. With every attempt to reach out in love with advice and counsel, no matter how gentle and loving the approach, I only make matters worse.
“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:21-25
As the Apostle Paul seems to be saying, I know what I need to do. I need to stop trying to be the parent, husband, counselor, and savior. Unfortunately, my sinful nature, my pride and my selfishness prevent me from doing it. Somehow, I need to humble myself and let go of the pride that I have in my ability to solve the world’s problems. I need to recognize that God isn’t going to work through me this time. I need to accept the fact that the only contribution I can make is to continue to have faith in God’s love and to continue to try and show the members of my family that I love them. This time I have to find a way to do that without relying on my gifts and talents to be the expressions of my love. Can I do it? Can I really do it? Can I let go of the Gifts that God has given me?
Learning To Love Unconditionally
The crisis situation that exists within my family is a test of, and a challenge to, me to gain more faith in God’s unconditional love. I don’t find anything in Paul’s quotes that suggests that I am somehow going to become perfect and never again say anything or act in anyway that would contribute to a member of my family doubting my love or questioning my motives. Nor are the members of my family going to become perfect and never give me a reason to doubt their love or to question their motives. Instead what I see is God telling me that he will forgive my mistakes and love me in spite of them. What I see is God telling me that he can use my weaknesses in positive ways if I will just put my faith in Him and in His unconditional love for me.
Some of the words, and the chorus from the song “What If I Stumble,” by the Christian group DC Talk expresses just how difficult it is for me to trust in God’s unconditional love for me.
- Father please forgive me, cause I cannot compose the fear that lives within me, or the rate at which it grows. If struggle has a purpose on the narrow road you’ve carved. Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar?
- Do they see the fear in my eyes? Are they so revealing? This time I cannot disguise all the doubt I’m feeling.
- What if I stumble, what if I fall? What if I lose myself and I make fools of us all?
- Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl? What if I stumble and what if I fall?
- I hear you whisper my name. You say. My love for you will never change.
Never change.
I know that the worst thing I can do in the face of a family crisis is allow my fear of stumbling and falling to cause me to withdraw in a way that would be interpreted by others as rejection or as a lack of caring. I know too that the strength to continue to try and express my love in as unconditional way as I possibly can will only come through increasing faith in God’s unconditional love for me.